Friday, November 5, 2010

Charlie Villanueva is a Pussy; Kevin Garnett and I are Dicks


I've been following Charlie Villanueva on Twitter for approximately a year now.  He was one of the first people I started to follow on Twitter.  I don't know why.  It just happened that way.

In the time that I've been following him, Charlie has failed to post a single Tweet one might deem interesting.  I have been continually subjected to Tweets such as: "Yo, back in Detroit after tough weekend on the road, never give up hope" or "Going to Best Buy tomorrow, what PS3 game should I get?"

He is not funny.  He is not interesting.  He is, in fact, the most boring quasi-celebrity on the planet. 

... ... ...

And then I went to work Wednesday morning, turned on my computer and opened up my Twitter account to find this little gem:

CV31: "KG called me a cancer patient, I'm pissed because, u know how many people died from cancer, and he's tossing it like it's a joke."

Now, there are a number of things that make that post funny - cancer isn't one of them.  Here is a short list of things that I find funny about that post:

# 1. My buddies make Charlie Villanueva jokes all the time. Sometimes one of us will randomly throw out: "Quick, name the ugliest big man combination in the history of college basketball" and the inevitable response is "Josh Boone and Charlie Villanueva."

(I defy you to find an uglier 4-5 combo.  Can't be done.  I'm almost positive.)

We also like to throw out hypotheticals like: Do you think Charlie Villanueva has hair on his balls?  Would you rather have a disgusting amount of hair, like Joe Derrigo or Sasquatch, or no hair, like Charlie Villanueva?

Yeah, we're dicks.

# 2. A grown man, a professional athlete, is complaining publicly about being called a name by another player in his league - a league which is known for trash-talking tidbits like this (Deadspin):

"You fucking flaming faggot. You don't get a foul on a goddamn little touch foul, you fucking faggot. You don't bring that faggoty shit here. Get your goddamn ass back on the floor and play. I don't want to hear that fucking shit out of you again. Get your ass back and play, you faggot."

That little quote is from Michael Jordan ... ... ... to a team-mate ... ... ... during practice.

And he's complaining about KG saying he looks like a cancer patient?  Better get tougher skin than that, Charlie.

#3.  Finally, doesn't this finally prove that Kevin Garnett is the biggest dick in the NBA and has been for some time?  You constantly hear announcers praise Garnett for his intensity.  There's a fine line between being intense and being a dick.  Kevin Garnett's on the other side of that line.

That's ok though - cause so am I.