Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Tom Smykowski & My Version of the "Jump to Conclusions Mat"



Ladies and gentleman, Tom Smykowski. 

I love Tom Smykowski.  For those of you who don't know Tom, he's the neurotic, middle-aged guy from Office Space who hates his job and is eternally worried that he is going to get canned.  Tom eventually finds true happiness in life when he is disabled in a side-impact collision with a pickup truck helmed by a drunk driver.

How does he find true happiness out of this?  He never has to go to work again, of course.  Tom and I, in a lot of ways, are the same person.

Tom Smykowski will forever live on in the annals of great movie characters for another reason, however.  Ya see, out of his hatred for his job, Tom has been searching for a product idea that would make him a million dollars (so that he wouldn't have to go to work anymore).  Tom idolizes the guy who invented the pet rock because the man achieved Tom's goal.  So Tom's product idea is along the same lines, equally lame and somehow even cornier.

"Its a Jump to Conclusions Mat.  You see, it would be this mat that you would put on the floor... and would have different conclusions written on it that you could jump to."

... ... ...

"That is the worst idea I've ever heard, Tom."

"Yes, this is horrible, this idea."

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Well, much like Tom Smykowski, I too have a dream of never having to work again. 

And I have a product idea that I am certain has a market and could make money - at least from the Pinkertons. 

I am envisioning a coffee table book with a target audience of 18-35 year old (mostly white) males who lack delicate sensibilities and/or enjoy entertaining themselves through the study of the lifestyles of professional athletes.  Each page of The Daily Anything's NBA Tattoo Manifesto will highlight a different NBA Player, explaining the significance of their various pieces, illuminating each of the player's personalities and providing the reader with a glimpse into the player's struggle to reach the Association.

The NBA: Where Barely Visible, Sometimes Offensive, Frequently Ridiculous Ink Happens

Installment #1: Marquis Daniels - Thanksgiving 2010