Friday, January 7, 2011

NBA Tattoo Manifesto Installment 7: Michael Beasley

Name: Michael Beasley

Team: Minnesota Timberwolves
Position: Small Forward
College: Kansas State

Height: 6'10"
Weight: 235 lbs.

One of the best college players of the 2000's, Beasley was a standout at Kansas State, averaging 26 points and just over 12 rebounds per game in his Freshman season.  Following his freshman campaign, Beasley made the decision to enter the 2008 NBA draft and was selected #2 overall by the Miami Heat, just behind Derrick Rose. 

Beasley had a somewhat unimpressive tenure with the Miami Heat, averaging under 15 points in his two seasons in Miami.  After the 2009-2010 campaign, Beasley was traded to the Minnesota Timberwolves to create cap space for the club to take on the Lebron James' and Chris Bosh's contracts.  Since moving to Minnesota Beasley has had somewhat of a resurgence, averaging 22 points through the first 34 games of the 2010-2011 season.  Despite this resurgence, Beasley is still probably best remembered for several off the court incidents.  We'll explore those incidents through the lens of Beasley's ink.

Exhibit #1:  Jesus
Location: Left Bicep

Just your standard religious tattoo.  Its a Jesus tribute.  As we've documented, there are a lot of them in the NBA.  I'm a particularly big fan of this one though.  As I've said before, I think that tattoos should be tributes to the most important things in your life.  If your religion is a big part of your life, I can appreciate someone who wants to represent that somewhere on their person. 
In this particular tattoo, Jesus is carrying some kind of banner, but I wasn't able to track down what it says.  I think the first word is 'honor', but I can't figure out what the second one is.   

Nice job, Mike.

Exhibit #2: "Married to the Game"
Location: Upper Left Arm

I'm kind of a fan of this tattoo, too.  Its Michael's tribute to the game of basketball, his way of showing his love for the game.  Getting the reaper tattooed on your shoulder?  I don't really see the point.  Giving props to the game thats made you a multi-millionaire?  I can dig that. 

My biggest issue with this tattoo is that, if Michael is in fact "married to the game", he doesn't show much commitment to it.  He's kinda like a cheating husband - no matter how hard he tries, he just can't stop hooking up with bar bimbos on the side.  He loves his wife, no doubt.  He's just got a problem controlling his piece, and it ultimately takes a toll on his marriage. 

In the case of Beasley's marriage to the game of basketball, his metaphorical bar bimbo has been his love for marijuana.  The game of basketball is his wife, and he loves it.  But he just can't lay off the skanks (or ghanja in this case), and its threatening his marriage. 

With Beasley, it all started shortly after he was drafted by the Heat.  While attending the NBA's annual Rookie Transition Program, police responded to the hotel room of Mario Chalmers and Darrell Arthur at 2 a.m. to find a room filled with smoke and with a strong marijuana scent.  They didn't find any pot, but Arthur and Chalmers were both excused from camp as a result of the incident and fined $20,000 each.  Two weeks later, under the direction of Pat Riley, Beasley confessed to league officials that he had been involved in the incident as well.  He was later fined $50,000 for not coming forward at the outset of the investigation.

No harm.  No foul.  Beasley was $50,000 lighter in his pockets, but his NBA career hadn't even gotten underway yet.  No big deal.  Move forward.  Just play basketball and it will all go away - unless you do something really dumb.

Which brings us to ...

Exhibit #3: "Super Cool Beas"
Location: Upper Back

... Michael Beasley pulling a Michael Phelps. 

Beasley posted this picture to his Twitter account in September 2009.  Take a look at it and tell me whats wrong.  And no, I don't mean Beasley pointing to what has to be the worst tattoo in professional sports history as if its the greatest accomplishment of his life.

Side note to Michael: Are you fucking kidding me?  "Supercool Beas"?  What does that even mean?  Putting 'super' in front of 'cool' makes you seem like a 14 year-old valley girl who's only way of describing the depth of her emotions is by putting 'super' in front of an adjective:

"I was super excited when Brad asked me to go to the movies."

"That geometry test was super lame."

For Christ's sake, you're a professional athlete, Michael - not Lauren Conrad's new b.f.f.  What could possibly have been going through your mind when you got this tattoo?  From the Sally Jesse Raphael sunglasses to its placement above the much better "God's Son" tattoo, this piece just screams "tool".  You pointing to it with your thumbs is definitely not helping that perception.

(Taking a deep breath.)

Okay, back to the Twitter picture.

Still can't see what's wrong?  Look at the bottom right hand corner of the image, just behind the remote control and just in front of the 7Up bottle.  Still don't see it? 

Ok, I'll enlarge.  If you still can't make it out, thats a small plastic baggy filled with what appears to be the "sticky icky".  I can't say definitively because I didn't smoke it with him.  But I had enough stoner friends during my college years that I can recognize a dimebag when I see one. 

A week after this photo was put online, Beasley checked himself into a rehab center in Houston, Texas where he supposedly dealt with the issue.  Maybe its true, because his game certainly seems to have improved since joining the T-Wolves.  Maybe he finally decided to stop cheating on his wife with the bimbo from the bar. 

Call me skeptical, but as women frequently say, "once a cheater, always a cheater."

Thursday, January 6, 2011

A Quick Word About the Future of the Daily Anything

As of Monday January, 10th, posts on The Daily Anything will become fewer and further between as a result of me getting a new job that will not permit me to undertake such endeavors while at work.  I will still post a couple of times per week, and you can bet your ass that NBA Tattoo Manifesto posts will continue to come out every Friday.  The past couple of months have been fun, and I've enjoyed having the time to write every day.

But unfortunately, I must prioritize.

NBA Tattoo Manifesto Installment 7 coming tomorrow.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

The Faces of NFL Wild Card Weekend & The Daily Anything's Picks

Lots of different writers have NFL picks.  Those picks usually involve breaking down each teams strengths and weaknesses, analyzing which team will be able to exert its will over the other, and a whole bunch of other formulaic b.s. from people who don't know what they're talking about. 

At The Daily Anything, I acknowledge that I have no idea how to break down team's schemes.  I, like former President Bush, make all my decisions based on my gut.

Disclaimer: My gut has, from time to time, been known to let me down.


Big win against the Rams Charlie, but
don't expect a similar result against N.O.

But I really dig the Charles Manson look.

Game 1: #5 New Orleans Saints (-10.5) @ #4 Seattle Seahawks
Saturday 4:30 p.m. ET

That is an awfully big spread for a playoff game, especially when you consider that the favored team is on the road.  Apparently Vegas has no respect for the Seattle Seahawks, who finished below .500 in the wasteland that was the NFC West. 

There's no way that the Seahawks win this game, although Charlie Whitehurst didn't look bad Sunday night against the Rams.  However, the Seahawks do not have an offense that can keep up with Drew Brees and company, so the question is whether or not they can cover the spread. 

The Pick: Saints (-10.5)

Rex likes feet ... a lot!
Game 2: #6 NY Jets @ #3 Indianapolis Colts (-2.5)
Saturday 8:00 p.m. ET

 Rex Ryan has a well-documented past of displaying bravado and hubris during press conferences.  Last year, before his team's first playoff appearance with him at the helm, Rex guaranteed that the Jets would win the Super Bowl.  After inspired victories over the Bengals and the Chargers, Rex Ryan's club fell in the AFC Championship game to the Indianapolis Colts.

Back at it again this year, Rex has once again stated publicly that his team is going to win the Super Bowl.  And once again, they will be squaring off against Peyton Manning and the Indianapolis Colts, a team that Rex Ryan has struggled against throughout his career.  In 6 matchups against Manning and the Colts, Ryan is an unimpressive 1-5, even worse if you consider that the Colts sat their starters for the game that Ryan's Jets won to get into the playoffs last year.  But none of this has stopped Rex from running his mouth.  To Rex, "its personal."

I hope to God that Manning and the Colts make Rex put his foot in his mouth. 

Actually, rumor has it that he's into that.

The Pick: Colts (-2.5)

Joe Flacco can't read ... or something
like that.

Game 3: #5 Baltimore Ravens (-3) @ #4 K.C. Chiefs
Sunday 1:00 p.m. ET

Everyone I have spoken to seems to think that the Baltimore Ravens are a lock to win this game.  I disagree.  In fact, I like the Chiefs in this one.  If I were picking who would win the game outright, I'd probably go with the Ravens just based on their playoff experience.  They're one of the toughest defenses in the league and they excel at stopping the run, which all NFL fans know is a key to winning in the playoffs. 

So why would I bet on the Chiefs?  Simple.  They're getting 3 points at home against an offense that struggles to score. 

For the past couple of seasons, we've been hearing about how Joe Flacco plays in an offense without any weapons.  This has been the excuse for why he hasn't put up big statistical seasons yet.  Well this year Joe has no excuses.  The Ravens added Anquon Boldin in the offseason, one of the NFL's best 15 receivers and a legitimate #1 to go along with T.J. Houshmandzadeh, Derrick Mason, and Todd Heap.  Why hasn't the Ravens offense improved?

Flacco apparently has spent the year struggling to get through his reads, consistently checking down to Ray Rice when teams take away his first option.  And its starting to piss off the Ravens' receiving corps, especially T.J. Houshmandzadeh, who hasn't been getting the touches he's used to because Flacco can't get away from Boldin and Rice.

That's why the Ravens offense doesn't put up a lot of points, and considering that the Chiefs were 6-2 at home this season, I expect the game to be tight.  Hell, I like the Chiefs to win outright.

The Pick: Chiefs (+3)

Hey Mike, just cause you're up 3 points
with 11:26 to go doesn't mean you
should abandon the pass.
 Game 4: #6 Green Bay Packers @ #3 Philadelphia Eagles (-2.5)
Sunday 4:30 p.m. ET

Mike McCarthy has given me at least 3 heart attacks already this season, and with Green Bay playing the Eagles in the first round of the playoffs, I've already got a bottle of aspirin ready.

Ya see, Mike McCarthy is the Packers' offensive playcaller.  For the first 3 quarters of the game, Mike likes to let Aaron Rodgers throw the ball all over the field and watch the other team's defense squirm against the receiving triple threat of Greg Jennings, James Jones, and Donald Driver.  So for 3 quarters, the Packers build leads against their opponents because they're practically unstoppable offensively.

But as soon as the 4th quarter hits, Mike likes to abandon the gameplan that continuously scores points for a different style of attack.  Instead of sticking with his deadly, unstoppable passing attack, Mike likes to keep the clock moving by running the ball on 1st and 2nd down, then having Aaron Rodgers attempt a pass in a long yardage situation.  After a couple of 3 and outs, the other team is all of a sudden back in the game and the Packers' passing game is out of rhythm. 

Its incredibly frustrating.

And since the Eagles have Michael Vick, a guy who has a proven track-record of leading teams back from big deficits, I expect that McCarthy's retarded tendency to force the run in the 4th quarter might end up kicking our asses in the end.  It almost did last week against the Bears.

As far as my pick for this game, I'll take the team with 6 losses, none of which were by more than 4 points.  Since they're getting 2.5, I like my chances. 

I'd prefer it if they'd actually just win the game though.

The Pick: Green Bay (+2.5)

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Please, Allow Me to Rationally Outline 1 Reason Why I Loathe NY State

Alright, I'm going to go on a bit of a rant here.  I know its something I do pretty much every day, but an event occurred today that has set me off into one of the most irrational, hate-filled experiences of my life.  After this event, I actually found myself day-dreaming about beating the shit out of a cop.

Fucked up.  I know. 

I'd get my ass beat.  I know. 

To show that I'm at least somewhat rational, I know that it wasn't that guy's fault.  I had an inspection that has been expired for 3 weeks, so according to NY State, it was my fault.  But I beg to differ.  I think its the fault of the stupid law from the retarded state we live in.  Why the fuck do I have to get a new inspection every 12 months?  Can that much go wrong with a vehicle in a year that we need to inconvenience every automobile owner in the state by making them take time out of their busy days and bring their cars into a garage to get a little yellow sticker put on its windshield? 

The state says its about safety, about preserving air quality by requiring annual emissions checks.  The state is full of shit.

Its about their commitment to raising revenue through any means possible.  As if the taxes in this state aren't so high that they're forcing its businesses, and by extension its citizens, elsewhere, we also have a cop sitting every 10 miles waiting to issue a ticket if some poor sot forgets to set his cruise control.  Its fucking ridiculous.  We hire these dicks in the name of fighting crime, but what they really do is bite the hand that feeds them.  Instead of incarcerating gangbangers and drugdealers, these assholes fuck the guy who goes to work, pays his taxes, and has better things to do with his time than steal, sell drugs, and commit murders.  The people who steal, sell drugs, and commit murders either get away with it in perpetuity because the cops aren't smart enough to catch them, or they spend a few years in a medium security resort where they get free meals, free education, a free gym membership, and free cable, all paid for by the revenue from the poor sots' speeding tickets!

Hey copper, we're the people you're supposed to be protecting!  Stop using us as a supplementary revenue stream!

The Fuzz sure know how to move quickly when its time to track down somebody who fails to come to a complete stop at a vacant intersection, but its been two months since an 80-something year old man was murdered for his prescription medications at 4:00 in the afternoon on the busiest street in Ogdensburg, and the OPD still haven't solved that crime.  And we hired 5 more of them last night!  For what?  So they can stop stop two dirt merchants from killing one another outside of Kozy Korner on a Saturday night?  Fuck it.  I say "let em go."  That's one less scumbag that society has to deal with, and one less police officer we don't need and whose salary we can't afford to pay.

I know it sounds like I'm putting all the blame on the average cop, but I know its not his fault.  He's just an average guy who's pro football career didn't work out, so he decided to slap on a badge and follow orders like the rest of us.  And his orders are determined by two groups of people - his bosses, who are just older versions of him, and the dickhead politicians in Albany who love wasting our hard-earned money by creating restrictions on everything, hiring more police officers to enforce those restrictions, and by proxy taking even more of our hard-earned money! 

Its an endless cycle of the common man getting fucked in the ass by the man. 

I know I sound like a whiney hippy right now, but I'm fucking tired of getting my colon cleaned every time I go to cash my check.  Jesus Christ, NY State, you already jack me every time I get a paycheck and every time I buy something.  How 'bout you cut a guy a fucking break when he's 3 weeks late on the inspection he shouldn't need in the first place?

Well thats never going to happen, so I'm going to end up coughing up another $150 to New York State.  Meanwhile, the drug addict who murdered the old man during the middle of the day on the busiest street in town still hasn't been found and probably never will be. 

But don't get caught driving 36 in a 30 on your way to pay your taxes this March.  That'll cost ya an extra two hundred bucks.